2007 já vai tarde.
This was an awful year for me. Despite the conclusion of graduation course and the admission to master course, I will miss absolutely nothing from 2007. It was a year marked by fights and discussions with my mother, my brother, with my boyfriend’s “acquaintances”. Sincerely, I’m done with this shit.
Now I have to cheer myself up. Hope 2008 to come with tons of good stuff to me. At first, I truly hope that those stupid girls don’t be accepted in this new master selection. I think that professors should accept only those who really want academic life. The ones who love to do research job. These people who want to get government job (I mean, easy job) should spend their efforts to really get it instead of wasting vacancies which could be filled with people who have vocation to study.
Ok, I have to admit – there’s some personal interest on it. Oh, c’mon, I don’t want to have the displeasure of sharing the Department corridors with that kind of people. During all of 2007, I was obligated to breath the same air as these girls. I couldn’t be able to support it any longer. That’s enough. So, to join the hunger with the need of eating, I truly hope not to meet them next year.
Yah… I’m kind of sick and tired of certain creatures’ presence.
Actually, I’ve been sick and tired of a lot of things lately – master course, this miserable scholarship life of mine, my relationship with my boyfriend and these damned girls who curse me every fucking day and night.
Honestly, sometimes I feel as if my relationship was a big mistake. I’ve been questioning many decisions taken by me in the past. Not to mention this anger and hurt and hate feeling inside my heart. Undoubtedly, this is a mix of unhealthy emotions for me. Every time I look at these girls, I can’t help but asking myself “what the fuck are you guys still doing here? Can’t you simply disappear from the earth? Can’t you simply live your stupid and poor and boring little lives far away from me?”
This would be SO welcome and SO perfect.
At least, if I didn’t see them anymore, I would not think about them the way I’m used to… When I’m close to these girls, I want them to feel miserable and destroyed. I have to confess that this makes me feel so bad and so small. But I can’t avoid this feeling. Even if I tried to be their friend, I wouldn’t be able to. Because all I see when I look at their eyes is anger and hate and disgust.
Wish I could take this shit away from me. How I wish I could look into their eyes and feel nothing. No friendship, no hate. No respect, no anger. Simply nothing. Wish they were unknown people to my eyes. Just one more person in this stupid world. But they are not. They are my enemies. And we’re not supposed to like our enemies. We shall destroy and hate them.
Nonsense words to express how nonsense I feel about my existence right now.
Off to bed.
